


That's not what "human-cyborg relations" means

by MalcolmInSpace



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Crack, Drinking, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-04
Updated: 2016-05-04
Packaged: 2018-06-06 06:28:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6743023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MalcolmInSpace/pseuds/MalcolmInSpace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Poe tells a story.</p>
            </blockquote>





	That's not what "human-cyborg relations" means

**Author's Note:**

  * For [outruntheavalanche](https://archiveofourown.org/users/outruntheavalanche/gifts).



Poe and Finn were drunk.  Very drunk.  Durrr- **unk** **.** It was a good time. 

"Okay, so," Finn was saying, and he was having difficulty both pointing at Poe and while keeping his balance, "what's the weirdest breakup you ever had?" 

"Are you serious?" Poe replied, giggling.  He'd already fallen off his chair once and looked like he was about to repeat.  "How are you not bored of this stuff?  It's just, like, life, man." 

"That's just it," Finn said with a drunk person's earnestness, "I never got to live this stuff.  They had me in armour before I was out of diapers, I swear.  The closest I ever got to being asked out was that time Phasma tried to have me reconditioned." 

"You needed a pilot!" 

"I needed a _pilot_!"  They found this hilarious, cheers'd sloppily, and went back to the story. 

"Okay, so there was stretch of like six months where all my dates just kept going really wrong.  Like, am I being haunted kind of wrong." 

Finn grabbed Poe's arm.  "Is that a thing?  Can that actually happen?" 

"I don't _know_ , man.  I mean, there's stories and stuff and I heard Jedi can do it but I sincerely doubt any dead Jedi are coming back just to mess up my dates." 

"In stormtrooper school, they told us Jedi eat babies." 

"REALLY?!" 

"No!  I made that up!"  They found this even more hilarious. 

"Where was I?"  It took Poe a moment of super-serious concentration to remember.  "Right, so, my first dates.  They kept going wrong.  One of them caught on fire." 

"Your date caught on fire?" 

"Yes!   Well, no, the restaurant did.  It was a whole thing.  But that's the kind of thing that kept _happening_.  And I had no idea what was going on.  Like,  _at all_.  But that restaurant burning down was what gave it away.  So anyways these cops from Republic Fleet Security show up and they start asking me why I had my droid burn down that restaurant and- okay, I should point out, it didn't actually  _burn down_ , it was just kind of... singed a bit - they ask me this and I'm like, I have no idea what you're talking about!  And they show me this vid and yup, there's BB-8 lighting the restaurant on fire." 

"No way!" 

"Yes way!  So I talk my way out of it, they just give me a warning, and I'm like, BB-8, what the hell?" 

"And what did they say?" 

"Well, it took me forever to get BB-8 to tell me what was going on, which was weird, because, y'know, BB-8's a pretty good little droid." 

"More like a great little droid!"  They cheered and cheers'd to BB-8, who was recharging across the room and gave them an irritable beep to keep it down. 

"So finally, _finally_ , I get BB-8 to tell what's going on, and guess what?" 

" _What?_ " 

"They were jealous." 

" _WhaT_ _!_ " 

"Yeah, right?  So it turns out that BB-8's super jealous of all my dates, and so they've been sabotaging me so I wouldn't, like, leave them or something." 

"Your droid had a crush on you.  That's adorable." 

"I know, right?  I'm pretty sure it's because I never wipe their memory?" 

"No way!  You're really not supposed to do that.  I mean, you are supposed to wipe their memories.  I hear they get all weird if you do." 

"I know, I know, but it seems just, so.... so _mean_.  I mean, every time you do it they have no idea who are, they're all alone, I just couldn't do it.   And besides," and here he leaned confidentally across the table towards Finn, who leaned in closer so that their foreheads bumped together.  "I heard that R2-D2, y'know, Luke Skywalker's droid, has _never_  had its memory erased!" 

"What?  Never?  Like, never ever?" 

"Nope, never.  That droid went through the Clone Wars, the Rebellion, all of it, and I bet it's all stored in there." 

"Whoa."  They paused to speculate on this mind-blowing truth.  "I wonder if it knows who Rey's parents are," Finn said suddenly. 

"We should ask it!" Poe responded. 

"Yeah!" 

"But first," Poe said, seriously, "A toast to BB-8, and the droids who make our lives so fun."  They toasted. 

BB-8 woke up, looked at them for a moment, and then extended their lighter and ignited it. 

"I have no idea if that's a thumbs-up or a threat," Finn drunk-whispered. 

"Me either," Poe drunk-whispered back.


End file.
